Here is the way God loved the world—he gave his only, unique Son as a gift. So now everyone who believes in him will never perish but experience everlasting life. God did not send his Son into the world to judge and condemn the world, but to be its Savior and rescue it! So now there is no longer any condemnation for those who believe in him, but the unbeliever already lives under condemnation because they do not believe in the name of the only Son of God. And here is the basis for their judgment: The Light of God has now come into the world, but the people loved darkness more than the Light, because they want the darkness to conceal their evil. So the wicked hate the Light and try to hide from it, for the Light fully exposes their lives. But those who love the truth  will come into the Light, for the Light will reveal that it was God who produced their fruitful works.  Jesus

So you’ve read a couple posts on my blog and you’re wondering… who is this God?  He’s not the guy I learned about when I was a kid.  Well, He’s not the God I learned about as a kid either.  I grew up as first Catholic, followed by Episcopalian, and then Lutheran for a total of 18 years.  As I look back now I realize that although I was told God was all about love and grace, both preachers and my Sunday school teachers said God expected me to be good and right.  The problem with this is that it’s impossible for me to be good and right – the entire first part of the bible is all about people who tried and failed miserably!

Their failures happened in order to prove that any ordinary man can never, ever be good and right according to God’s standards.  But see, God doesn’t leave us hanging.  Imagine you have a son who’s blood type is the only one that will save your other children who were hurt terribly in an accident.  The problem is that you will need all of his blood to save your other children.  Is the life of one child worth all the rest?  God thought so.  And it’s literally the shed blood of His son, Jesus, that allows us to lay claim to the very good and very right that Jesus is.  We can spiritually exchange our life for the life of Jesus so that God will see us as perfect.  God can not be in the presence of sin, so we simply can’t expect God to pay us any mind if we are not completely perfect – completely good and completely right. 

I was in my mid 20’s enduring one of the most trying times of my life when I was told that having a relationship with Jesus has nothing to do with religion.  Religion is man trying to make himself right for God, which I’d had 18 years of training in.  Instead I found out that it was about saying yes to to Him … yes – I want Him in my life, yes – I want to know Him and let Him know me, yes – I can’t do anything right on my own, yes – I want God to make things right for me. 

I learned that nothing I do is good or right simply due to the nature of my soul – Adam is to thank for that because when he ate the forbidden fruit he tainted the entire human race.  By admitting our imperfection and need for a savior, we are able to put Jesus on like a long hooded robe so that all God sees when He looks on us is perfection.  By surrendering your life to God your sinful nature is completely replaced and made new in what Jesus did on the cross. 

In making this choice you immediately are given your inheritance of eternal  life, become a part of God’s kingdom and you take on His name.  You’re home is heaven.

Since we’ve compiled this long and sorry record as sinners and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity He put us in right standing with Himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we’re in and restored us to where He always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ.  Rom 3:22-24 (the Message Bible)

Now let me tell you a story…

It was in the summer with cool mornings and warm afternoons when I started to spend the early morning hours thinking about God out on my back deck, usually wrapped in a quilt. I’m so thankful for the changes that have taken place since then. Now I know what it means to have “ears to hear” and I know what the voice of my Shepherd sounds like. Hearing His voice is always like a soothing balm to my soul that leaves an indescribable peace in its wake. To think that I’m able to hear the same voice that spoke the world into being completely escapes me. But that’s how God is, nothing is impossible for Him.

Ah, now back to that cool summer morning. It was time of unrest for me. God put something in my path that I had no idea what to think of. For quite a few months God took me on a journey that began with being deeply hurt and outrageously angry to being curious and finally yielding to His Truth. I gave my heart to God in my mid 20’s and through learning and teaching, I knew I couldn’t operate on a spiritual level without the Holy Spirit’s help. I knew without a doubt that God’s Spirit dwelled in my heart, just like the scriptures promise. Unfortunately, I had no idea that what I thought was true about the Holy Spirit was colored by religious teachings of the churches I attended. Without even realizing it, I had neatly encapsulated the God of the entire universe into a very neat and orderly, very square and straight-sided box. I’d like to think it was a big box, but it was a box just the same.

For instance, I was taught and believed that speaking in tongues was more of a Old Testament thing and no longer existed, unless of course, it was needed in the missionary field. I’d heard about how important this gifting was to certain denominations, but really gave it no heed. Unfortunately, I also gave little attention to God’s Word when it came to the subject, since it was one of those areas that was hard to understand. Smith Wigglesworth puts it this way, “I have failed to see any man understand the twelfth, thirteenth, and fourteenth chapters of 1 Corinthians unless he had been baptized with the Holy Spirit. He may talk about the Holy Spirit and the gifts, but his understanding is only a superficial one.”

That summer I began doing something I’d never done before – I got up earlier to spend some quiet time alone with God. This is quite humbling for me to write, seeing as I’d been saved for so long you’d think that spending time with the One I loved so much would be a given. I found the more time I spent with my Father, the more I yearned for Him. Since I’m not one to believe in coincidences, I have no doubt that in response to me wanting more of Him, God readily obliged and turned me on my religious butt.

That’s when a big old rock was put right in the middle of my walk with God. It couldn’t be ignored, I had to figure out this roadblock. I was told that if I’m saved, I could be baptized with the Holy Spirit and evidence of that baptism is speaking in tongues – just the same as what happened on the day of Pentecost. Um yea – right. I ran the whole gamut of emotions. Anger and confusion settled right in – to think that I could even operate in the church without the Holy Spirit? Is this really something of God?

Eventually my anger and confusion melted into curiosity. God dropped this in my lap by people who I knew were strong believers and close to God so, it was time to learn about this. I sought out sound teachings on those difficult passages in 1 Corinthians and listened to Godly friends who shared their baptism experience with me. That’s when my God box was finally smashed! It took months, but I finally got to the point where I decided to yield to God. I was ready to do this His way, and be open to His Truth, but was also in despair that I’d gone without it for so long. Just like a baby bird I waited for God to fill my mouth and spirit!

This Scripture, that I’d read so many times before, suddenly came to life and made sense. “For everyone who asks, receives; and he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, it will be opened. Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he? Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?” Luke 11: 10-13

It happened in the same place it all started – early in the morning, out on my back deck, just me and God. He brought me to that roadblock and He showed me how to get through it. As with all things from Him, it didn’t happen the moment I was ready, it came in the quietness of His timing. It was one of the most joyful days of my life. The Holy Spirit immediately showed me what His power was capable of. God even graciously confirmed for me after I got to work that morning that it was His work operating in me through these words of Job, “I have declared that which I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.”

I shared this with my friends and was met by a few with the same unbelief that I struggled with. I think the baptism of the Holy Spirit is viewed with trepidation by believers, the same as being born again can be hard for unbelievers to understand. You will never completely comprehend it until you are on the other side – until you are saved and until you are baptized in the Holy Spirit.

My prayer for you is the same as what God did for me (as interpreted in Smith’s book) … “God, First, Last, Alpha, Omega, Beginning and End. He is at the root of all things. He will disturb what needs to be disturbed; He will unfold what needs to be unfolded; He will turn to death what needs to be broken and put to death. He will put a spring within you and lift you to life. God will deal with you in mercy but in severity, because all divine love is a sword and “divides asunder soul and spirit, joint and marrow,” and deals with the inward desires of the heart.”

God most certainly disturbed and disrupted my religious beliefs. He made me realize that I was suffering from unbelief. That unbelief made me think less of God than who He really is. Now He is much more and whenever I tell Him I want more of Him, He always responds with, “my daughter, you already have all of Me.”

I indeed baptize you with water unto repentance,
but He who is coming after me is mightier than I,
whose sandals I am not worthy to carry.
He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.
John the Baptist.

Jesus stood and cried out, saying, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.” But this He spoke concerning the Spirit, whom those believing in Him would receive; for the Holy Spirit was not yet given, because Jesus was not yet glorified.
John 7:37-38

“The King is already on His throne, but He needs crowning;
when the Holy Spirit comes, He crowns the King inside of us.”
Smith Wigglesworth